When long-time long-distance friend and FUNdamental SOCCER contributor Bill Howe recently responded to my article “The Most Important Goal in Youth Soccer,” he shared a scene from a U14 girls’ indoor practice that stopped me in my tracks.
It wasn’t just a story about bad training. It was a reminder of a quiet mistake every adult around the field—coaches, parents, spectators, and referees—makes without even realizing it:
“If the coach smiles, all the kids smile too. It sets the tone of acceptance and warmth. Children will definitely be more risk-takers if they know the coach is not always serious and critical. Having a good laugh together creates a positive environment that brings them back.” — Bill Howe
What Happens When Adults Forget to Smile
Bill went on to describe what he witnessed at that indoor session:
“I witnessed a coach of a young U14 girls rep team once who spent the first half of a one-hour indoor training session having the girls run laps around the gym—with no balls either. The coaches looked stern and commanding, as if they were in charge. I later approached the two young female coaches to say it was okay to let the players touch the ball and have some fun.
I was told that they knew what they were doing! Nobody smiled once. I’m surprised any of them came back for more. Boring, repetitive, rote, and a lack of any kind of enjoyable experience. We wonder why children leave sport. This was not fitness development as they called it—it was soul-crushing. The outdoor season was four months away. Fitness training?!”
As Bill pointed out, command-style conditioning actually backfires:
“When the children have fun, they work harder without being asked; they don’t know how tired they are until the training session is over. When rote training takes place, they learn to pace themselves, which counteracts any benefits the supposed fitness work is supposed to achieve. When the running is their choice, they work harder without being asked.”
Bill closed with a call to shift youth soccer culture “from competition to cooperation”—and that applies to every adult at the field, not just the coach.
A coach can create a joyful, pressure-free practice, only for a child to glance at the parents’ sideline during Saturday’s game and see grim faces, crossed arms, or frustrated sighs after a missed pass.
Whether you are a coach, parent, grandparent, club leader, or referee, kids constantly read our faces for approval. When adults look tense or critical, children play safe out of fear. When adults smile, relax, and enjoy the game, kids feel safe enough to take creative risks, sprint harder, and fall in love with soccer.
Bill Howe
Director at WC Howe Institute
Soccer coach – 40 years.
Coaching instructor – Ontario Soccer Association (20 years).
Regional coach – Northeastern Ontario (7 years).
Rep level coach – 30 years
High school soccer coach (4 years)
College Varsity Athlete (Soccer – hockey – boxing)
Karl’s Komments
Thank you, Bill, for reminding us that the faces of the adults on the sideline are the weather forecast for the entire game.
Before the next practice or game, check your expression. Put a genuine smile on your face, let the ball—and the laughter—do the work, and watch how much harder and happier our kids play!
