A playful guide for well‑meaning adults who accidentally forget they’re part of the game too.
Most spectators lift the game. Some lift the whole community. And then… there’s the other kind of spectator.
Not the villain. Not the monster. Just the unintentionally game‑ruining adult who means well… but somehow manages to derail the entire experience with one tiny habit.
If you’ve ever done any of the things below, congratulations — you’re human. Now let’s fix it.
Standing on the Touchline
The touchline is not a suggestion. It’s not a “close‑up viewing area.” It’s not the “VIP parent zone.”
It’s part of the field.
Standing on it is like standing on the 1st– and 3rd-base line in baseball.
If your toes are touching the line, you’re officially on the field. And the players and assistant referee now have to dodge you like an extra defender.
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Calling Your Child’s Name
Nothing freezes a kid faster than hearing:
“JAAAYDENNNN!” or “EEEELLLEEE!”
Suddenly, they stop, look, and listen, as they have been taught to do at home.
And since being called out loud by name usually means they’re in trouble, you can expect both to forget the ball, the game, the coach, the teammates, and possibly their own name.
And it’s not just Jayden — every kid within 30 yards usually turns their head like meerkats.
If you must yell something, yell something neutral like:
“Yay soccer!”
It distracts everyone equally.
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Coaching From the Sideline
“Pass it!” “Shoot it!” “Go left!” “Go right!” “Go somewhere!”
Sideline coaching turns the game into a GPS malfunction
Result? The child freezes, confused, and the ball rolls away quietly as they wonder why the adults are so loud.
Yelling at the Referee
Yelling at them doesn’t improve the call. It just teaches kids that adults lose their minds over throw‑ins.
If you feel the urge to shout at a ref, take a deep breath and remind yourself:
This is not the World Cup.
This is Saturday morning. And you are holding a folding chair.
